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Lessons Learned

I have spent a good majority of my life hiding behind a quite, shy demeanor, not really letting people in except for a small circle of people.  People just really aren't my cup of tea most days!  Recently, I've started to learn that it is ok to be myself.  It is ok to put myself out there.  It is ok to admit that I'm not always as strong as I portray.  And you know what? - By doing so, I am learning so much more about myself than ever before!  I am learning that not only am I a pretty cool chick and people really do care about me, but more importantly I am learning to care about myself.  I have started putting myself out there and while some of those moments have ended in tears, self doubt and questioning what the hell I am even doing or thinking, the end result has always been a huge growth spurt both emotionally and spiritually, which is really what I'm looking for right now.

I've always dreamed about writing and have always seemed to inspire others with my words.  By putting myself out there with this blog, I feel like maybe others can see a glimpse of my struggles within themselves and maybe learn to start loving themselves right along with me.  This time of year is always hard, the days are short, but the hours are long.  There are pressures from all angles with the holidays quickly approaching.  I feel slightly embarrassed to admit that I'm coming out of my 2nd divorce at such a young age.  I contribute that in large part to not knowing who I am and what I really deserve! I have spent so many years putting others' needs before my own, because I am a caretaker!  I give so darn much and really don't get much in return.  I am at a stage in my life that I will no longer allow that to be acceptable for me.  

I'm a romantic at heart and have hope that I will someday find what I am looking for, but more importantly, I need to find myself first. The sad part, is I almost found myself in this position once again, questioning why I wasn't good enough.  It was a temporary setback, but something that I am happy that I recognized early on, which I contribute to a very important lesson learned along the way.  Growth is so important, but it takes a lot of mistakes and forgiveness to get there.  We are all on a journey in this life! We can only grow, heal and learn to love again my allowing ourselves the opportunity to screw up, embarrass ourselves (which the good Lord knows I have done), and learning a lesson from each and every failure and success in our lives.  I am very thankful that I am at a point that I can put this out there for the world to see and hopefully it will help someone else struggling along the way.

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