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"Dance Like Nobody's Watching"

It's been a very trying month for me, but since it motivated me to start this blog and start digging into my emotions a little deeper, I feel like it was also a very successful month.  Really, it's been a month of firsts!  I started the month of November feeling super confident and like I had my life together.  Being a single mom and working a full time job that can be very demanding at times is not always easy, but I had a groove going and really felt like I was starting to manage both very well.  I felt the happiest I have felt in a very long time!

Then comes the time change.  I am a woman who lives for the sun and the dark, dreary days of winter have a major impact on my mood and overall outlook on life.  I had some other things happen that ended up being a great opportunity for personal growth but also ended up killing my confidence for a hot minute and drained me emotionally.  I literally felt every emotion from the very high to the very low this past month.  

The most eye opening and most embarrassing first that I experienced during this turbulent month was completely forgetting about a meeting at work!  I have never, ever, ever done anything in my life so absentminded as that.  I have always been dependable so how in the world could I do something like this?  Well, it's because I am only human, right!  I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep leading up to this meeting and I slept so good the night before that I literally woke up without a second thought given to the fact that I had to be to work an hour earlier than normal.  I went about my routine like any other day without a care in the world!  After getting the kids dropped off, I stopped to grab my cup of coffee and headed to work.  I get a call from the office wondering where the heck I was, there were people there waiting for me and everyone was so worried because it wasn't like me at all!  

After getting over the initial embarrassment of it, I am actually pretty thankful that it happened.  It was a good reminder that I am only human, that I can make mistakes without the world coming to an end and there are people all around me that are going to have my back when I need it.  Shortly after, I started this blog in an attempt to sort through the struggles I was going through.  I've shared several posts already, really putting myself out there more than I ever have before.  Another first!  I'm typically a very closed person and to be honest, I am not even sure why.

But you know what, the more I open up, the more I am learning about myself and the more I am acknowledging and accepting the emotions I am feeling.  I am also learning to take more risks, which in turn are helping me to open up even more.  I think one of my biggest shortcomings in my marriage was the fact that I was so closed down because I didn't know how to express myself and my journey now is to learn how to do just that.

Today my confidence is back and I may even be happier than I was at the start of November.  While this is also my first holiday season alone, I am ready to face it head on and enjoy it to the very best of my abilities.  And something else I am learning to do is:

"Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth." -William W. Purkey



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