It's been a very trying month for me, but since it motivated me to start this blog and start digging into my emotions a little deeper, I feel like it was also a very successful month. Really, it's been a month of firsts! I started the month of November feeling super confident and like I had my life together. Being a single mom and working a full time job that can be very demanding at times is not always easy, but I had a groove going and really felt like I was starting to manage both very well. I felt the happiest I have felt in a very long time!
Then comes the time change. I am a woman who lives for the sun and the dark, dreary days of winter have a major impact on my mood and overall outlook on life. I had some other things happen that ended up being a great opportunity for personal growth but also ended up killing my confidence for a hot minute and drained me emotionally. I literally felt every emotion from the very high to the very low this past month.
The most eye opening and most embarrassing first that I experienced during this turbulent month was completely forgetting about a meeting at work! I have never, ever, ever done anything in my life so absentminded as that. I have always been dependable so how in the world could I do something like this? Well, it's because I am only human, right! I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep leading up to this meeting and I slept so good the night before that I literally woke up without a second thought given to the fact that I had to be to work an hour earlier than normal. I went about my routine like any other day without a care in the world! After getting the kids dropped off, I stopped to grab my cup of coffee and headed to work. I get a call from the office wondering where the heck I was, there were people there waiting for me and everyone was so worried because it wasn't like me at all!
After getting over the initial embarrassment of it, I am actually pretty thankful that it happened. It was a good reminder that I am only human, that I can make mistakes without the world coming to an end and there are people all around me that are going to have my back when I need it. Shortly after, I started this blog in an attempt to sort through the struggles I was going through. I've shared several posts already, really putting myself out there more than I ever have before. Another first! I'm typically a very closed person and to be honest, I am not even sure why.
But you know what, the more I open up, the more I am learning about myself and the more I am acknowledging and accepting the emotions I am feeling. I am also learning to take more risks, which in turn are helping me to open up even more. I think one of my biggest shortcomings in my marriage was the fact that I was so closed down because I didn't know how to express myself and my journey now is to learn how to do just that.
Today my confidence is back and I may even be happier than I was at the start of November. While this is also my first holiday season alone, I am ready to face it head on and enjoy it to the very best of my abilities. And something else I am learning to do is:
But you know what, the more I open up, the more I am learning about myself and the more I am acknowledging and accepting the emotions I am feeling. I am also learning to take more risks, which in turn are helping me to open up even more. I think one of my biggest shortcomings in my marriage was the fact that I was so closed down because I didn't know how to express myself and my journey now is to learn how to do just that.
Today my confidence is back and I may even be happier than I was at the start of November. While this is also my first holiday season alone, I am ready to face it head on and enjoy it to the very best of my abilities. And something else I am learning to do is:
"Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth." -William W. Purkey
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