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Another Storm

In these uncertain times, I feel like an absolute failure as a mother.  I am anxious, they are anxious, and I am clueless how to handle any of it!  These are unprecedented times for all of us.  We are used to routines and as normal as I try to keep things, they reflect my every emotion times a million.  They are receptive and know that this is not a normal routine, they feel my anxiety and their stress is a reflection of my own.  I feel like a hamster in a wheel, I'm trying to explain and talk them through it but they are closing down, much like I tend to do, and we are running circles around everything.  

Today we had a huge battle over drinking water - my son, who normally eats me out of house and home is refusing to eat and hardly drinking anything.  He wants to do his homework, but gets super frustrated with every aspect of it so we set it aside today.  He is super angry with me for everything I try to do and I am angry right back because all I'm trying to do is make things as normal as possible, but they aren't and he knows they aren't, so we keep spinning our wheels.  

I am in a position where I can take him to daycare and go to work as normal, but there is a huge part of me that feels guilty and feels like that is not a smart idea right now.  I'm conflicted because I want to keep their routine and not scare them with this pandemic, but I want to do my part and keep us socially distanced and I feel like they resent me all the more for it.  They are small teenagers and I'm not entirely sure I was prepared for that yet! 

I'm hoping for some nicer weather this weekend to get us out walking and give us a little distance from this world right now.  I will also do my best to distance my own stress and anxiety and do better to keep my kids informed, but not scared of what is going on.  As a single mom, it's so very hard to compartmentalize and be strong for your kids but I'll keep praying for the strength to weather this next storm in our lives.  God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but there are days when I'm not sure how much fuller my plate can get, but I trust in Him and his plan!

Much love to all of you who are also feeling like failures, because really you are not!  You are amazing and beautiful and You are not Alone!!!! 




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