Just An Iowa Woman

When I look back at the last few years, I really admire the woman I have grown into and the obstacles I have overcome.  I am at peace with where I am today.  I am truly grateful for the path I have chosen to follow.  With that being said, there are still things I struggle with and it's an ever evolving process to continue to heal and grow.  We all have parts of ourselves that we struggle to accept and it's so hard to fully love ourselves when there are parts of us that we don't necessarily like.   For me, I have discovered that I am overly independent to the point that it's not always healthy and learning to allow others into my life is so difficult for me.  I don't truly understand how to overcome this issue, but I am all too aware of how it affects my life and my relationships.  I find it easier to put a wall up and dig my heels into the dirt of negativity, than allow myself to be vulnerable and, dare I say it, happy!  I self-sabotage way more than I'd like to

Every season has it's own pros & cons. Tonight, I sit and listen to the birds! Each with their own song, their own tune and their own timing.  If you take a moment to just sit still and listen, you can hear their excitement for the long awaited spring and summer that we all anticipate.  I have a favorite part of every season, but spring is the one season that always inspires me and even excites me just as much as it does the plants and animals around me.  The days become longer, the temperatures are on the uphill slide, the sun feels so much warmer and the best part.....everything turns green and becomes alive again. We shed our winter coats and hopefully our frowns turn into smiles.  While winter is my least favorite season of them all, spring makes up for it in every way.  I'm excited to play in the dirt and feel the warm sunshine on my face.  I'm excited for the thunderstorms that wash away the winter grime, making way for the fresh growth of the Earth.  I so thoroug

 So when I was told about your death, I was in denial.  I spent the better part of the day trying to find out if what I was told was a big fat lie!  It wasn't - deep down deep I already knew that!  I walked up on your porch - didn't have to even see your family and I broke down.  You know me, sensitive as always! Anyways, Val, you and I met through a Sunday School classroom that neither of us really felt like we belonged.  But we made the most of it and we put together some really neat programs for our kiddos.  You were the first person I confided in about my divorce and my scare with breast cancer and my decision to undergo a crazy surgery.  You were always in my corner!  You also took me kayaking for the 1st time, so you had my heart then for sure! You shaped two young men who would offer to shovel out my driveway.  You sent your husband to help me with frozen pipes.  And Emmy, who has your heart!!  We haven't seen each other in months and when I went to go get my 1st tat

Tonight, I noticed a scar on my ankle that has been with me most of my life.  A scar that is so much a part of me that I actually forget about it.  I was probably 5 or 6, Miranda's age, and was being a kid and cut my ankle on a broken glass bottle. It also started my brain a thinking...I have another scar on my knee that I'd rather forget about. It's a scar from an accident that could have ended much worse and thankfully did not.  I have a scar on my eyebrow that reminds me of a domestic violence situation that I very much want to forget, but also could have ended up much worse. I now have a few new scars that I struggle to accept, but they are also a part of my story.  It also doesn't even begin to cover the internal scars, the emotional scars that are a little harder to heal and escape from. Tonight, I was thinking about how much these scars have impacted me. Over time, they become just another part of me.  But it's a part of me that taught me many lessons!  It ta

Well, this year continues to get better and better and the hard lessons just keep on coming!  It is so odd, that while this has been a year of really learning to love myself - I also found it's been one of the hardest years of my life! I've learned that my heart is sensitive, my head is stubborn and my body is so strong and amazing.  I've learned that I have the most amazing group of friends who feel like family, and I've learned that sometimes, family may not always be our friends.  I've learned that it's ok to ask for help, it's ok to cry, it's ok to not always be ok.  For the first time in my entire life, I really had to ask for and accept help from my group of people who have been so wonderful to me.  I have finally found my soul tribe!  These are the people who drop everything at a moments notice and leave their lives and their families to help me go through some tough surgeries.  These are the people who brought me meals and checked on me daily to

We all are in need of a little self care and lots of self loving! Anxiety, depression and every little thing we cannot control can be a very heavy burden. A burden that weighs us down.  A burden we sometimes do not know how to overcome.  Today, I was so overwhelmed with life! I had a rare opportunity to listen to music, dance a little, take a hot bath, and write.  Life is a crazy mess and in the midst of the hustle and bustle we sometimes loose the opportunity to ground ourselves and love ourselves, imperfections and all!  I started my day feeling like a brick was sitting on my chest.  I am in the process of learning how to take those moments for what they are, just moments!  After those moments pass, I feel like I am a very lucky person.  I have so many things and people to be thankful for. Have I faced loss, have I faced hardships, have I faced more struggles than I care to talk about - yes, yes and yes!  But I have realized that all of those hard moments made me the person I am now.