Just An Iowa Woman

The journey of self love sometimes feels like a never ending, up-hill hike.  No matter  how much progress you make, there is always someone wanting to push you right back down to the bottom.  Part of my self love process is learning how to not internalize the words and actions of others, turning them into my own inner reality!  Just because they say something bad about you, does not mean that it is true but the hard part is not letting my inner voice repeat those negative thoughts back to me in a never ending loop of self doubt.   I am really working on choosing a path of love rather than a path of fear, and I am starting to recognize that the people who try to make others feel like this are really stuck in their own path of fear.  Instead of growing and trying to learn how to act out of a place of kindness, they want to try to bring the people in their life back to their level because they are too scared of changing.  Part of my journey is...

So this song will forever remind me of a man I call my Dad.  I found a book today that I needed to find.  Christmas and Thanksgiving were always a great joy for him and I really feel him for the first time in years.  I remember when I sat in his lap and asked him to marry my mom on their first date! How embarrassed she was, but how well it turned out!  He is the man who taught me what a flat head vs. phillips screwdriver was as he wrenched on his motorcycle in our porch.  His yellow truck with a a 4x4 piece of wood as a bumper as he picked me up from my first awkward middle school dance, candy bar bought shortly after because of how poorly it went. He had a tough exterior but I will forever cherish our moments together.  I don't talk about him often, but I think about him alot.  He taught me to be strong in so many ways.  He felt bad because he was tough on me, and I can still hear him telling my mom how much he loved me.  Those were very h...

I so do not want to put my drama out there, but I am in a position where I am fed up.  I am a single Mom, by my own choice! Why, because I never want my daughter to grow up and think that certain behaviors are tolerable because she is a woman and I never ever want my son to grow up thinking it is ok to treat the women in his life as a less than because it's her duty as a woman. I've worked very hard in my life to get to where I am, physically, spirituality and emotionally.  Not many people who have met me will describe me as less than strong - maybe slightly closed - but strong and so very kind.  Yet I have my own weaknesses and struggles too.  Going through divorce and trying to be kind and forgiving while everyone tells you how much the other person is struggling is certainly a moment of humility for me.  Will I tell them my reasons?  Will I tell them my side of the story?  Or will I swallow my pride and let them feel bad?  Sadly, I'll probabl...

Music plays such an important role in my life and I can say I love songs from almost any time period and genre, there are so many styles, words & melodies that resonate with my soul!  I don't always listen with enthusiasm daily but when I need a good therapy session I always turn to my Pandora or other playlists to give me the variety I am seeking.  Music gives me a good cry session but it also brings me great confidence too, there is literally a song for every mood and emotion that I am experiencing. My forever favorite is the beautiful, talented Ms. Stevie Nicks and while there is not a song of hers that I don't adore, Landslide is a song that has always been at the top of my favorites!  There are so many seasons of our lives and I am in my favorite one so far.  I am a mom to two beautiful, head-strong, smart kiddos and I am finally at a point in my life that I can look in the mirror and see a pretty amazing mamma too! I was recently looking at some pi...

It's been a very trying month for me, but since it motivated me to start this blog and start digging into my emotions a little deeper, I feel like it was also a very successful month.  Really, it's been a month of firsts!  I started the month of November feeling super confident and like I had my life together.  Being a single mom and working a full time job that can be very demanding at times is not always easy, but I had a groove going and really felt like I was starting to manage both very well.  I felt the happiest I have felt in a very long time! Then comes the time change.  I am a woman who lives for the sun and the dark, dreary days of winter have a major impact on my mood and overall outlook on life.  I had some other things happen that ended up being a great opportunity for personal growth but also ended up killing my confidence for a hot minute and drained me emotionally.  I literally felt every emotion from the very high to the very low ...

I think one of the hardest things in life is watching someone you love struggle with addiction.  You watch them completely change from a person you knew and loved to a complete stranger you don't even recognize and many times there isn't a thing you can do about it.  You can talk to them until you are blue in the face, but until they decide to make the choice to fight for their own life, there isn't anything that is going to make them change. Life is hard!  Often times these addicts grow up getting shit on from a very young age, whether it's from their peers, whether it's just a crap hand dealt to them by the wheel of fortune that life is, or even their own internal feelings of hurt and loneliness.  They turn to whatever substance it is to help fill the void, they start surrounding themselves with people that further encourage their addiction and start to justify that it is ok to continue doing what they are doing because their life sucks.  It is so hard fo...

One of my most favorite places to visit is Estes Park, Colorado.  I've been there twice already and am planning another trip there this summer.  The town is a cute little tourist town filled with shops, restaurants and bars - there are vacation cabins, campgrounds and it is home to the Stanley Hotel which was the inspiration for Stephen King's book 'The Shining'.  What I like about it the most is that it is a border town to Rocky Mountain National Park.  If you want to take one of the most stunning drives ever, just take Trail Ridge Road all the way down to Grand Lake.  It is one nerve racking drive, but absolutely breathtaking!   There are also a ton of hiking trails within the park ranging from an easy 40 minute walk around Bear Lake to a hard 7 hour hike up Long Peak Trailhead to Chasm Lake.  Even though I was much younger the last time I visited, there is no way I'd be able to attempt that hike.  I did manage a moderate 4 hour hike p...

Today I decided to take some time to look back through some of my old pictures.  I have always loved capturing the beautiful scenery around me, but sadly it's another thing that has gone to the back burner these days.  There was a time where I'd spend hours taking pictures of some very random things that I must have found interesting at the time.  In the midst of all those random pictures, I did find a few that I want to share.  Iowa can truly be a beautiful place, you just have to make time to see it! Old Country Road