Just An Iowa Woman

For the longest time, I've felt like there was so much more that I could be doing to reach my long term goals.  I have a career that provides security and stability, all things that are very important to me, but there's just that spark that has been missing which leaves me feeling a little unfulfilled.  I've daydreamed about opening my own plant/coffee/garden/bakery - or whatever hobby I've picked up on - business, but trying to start up a small business in rural, small town Iowa is hard, scary and I don't necessarily feel confident enough in my skill set to jump head first into such a big risk while still trying to provide for my family.   Is that an excuse?  Absolutely!  Is my fear hindering me?  Again, Absolutely!  There are so many successful small businesses in our community, why the heck couldn't I be one of them!   Thank you ' You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life ' by Jen Sincero,...

I went into 2026 with a goal of being more present, more mindful and really just embracing this busy phase of my life.  I want to live more purposeful and less resentful!  Through this reflection process, I've decided to go back and revisit blogging.  I've also decided to dive deep into a travel advisory adventure, and honestly just revisit Me! Life is a series of ebb and flows, positives and negatives, and everything in between! My last few years have been beautiful, but I have also had a low vibe energy flow that has been draining.  I went into this year focusing on how I can work to change that low vibe into a high vibe energy, and as I continue to reflect, I think going back to the basics is where it is at. What makes me feel good.  What makes me feel confident. What make me Me! I started with some journaling, working on my health and the biggest thing is taking a few moments each day to 'pray' to the Universe for guidance as well as for healing and happines...

What a month, and what a year!  There are so many good things happening, but a lot of changes too.  I, a Taurus to the core, hate change.  It's uncomfortable and I tend to drag my feet in the dirt the entire time!  It makes me stressed and emotional. But change is necessary!  Change is good! Not just for the mind but for the soul. After a year of changes, both good and sad, I have reached a self-check moment where I need to let go of my stubborn need to stay put in fear of said change.  I need to let go of the emotions and just take a moment to enjoy this next chapter.  The sad part is, sometimes that comes at a cost.  It means saying goodbye to some while saying hello to others.  It means learning to not be so ultra-independent.  It means learning what your traumas are and trying to heal. It means learning what you love and what makes you happy. It means taking a self-check moment to realize what is important and what you can put to res...

When I look back at the last few years, I really admire the woman I have grown into and the obstacles I have overcome.  I am at peace with where I am today.  I am truly grateful for the path I have chosen to follow.  With that being said, there are still things I struggle with and it's an ever evolving process to continue to heal and grow.  We all have parts of ourselves that we struggle to accept and it's so hard to fully love ourselves when there are parts of us that we don't necessarily like.   For me, I have discovered that I am overly independent to the point that it's not always healthy and learning to allow others into my life is so difficult for me.  I don't truly understand how to overcome this issue, but I am all too aware of how it affects my life and my relationships.  I find it easier to put a wall up and dig my heels into the dirt of negativity, than allow myself to be vulnerable and, dare I say it, happy!  I self-sabotage way m...

Every season has it's own pros & cons. Tonight, I sit and listen to the birds! Each with their own song, their own tune and their own timing.  If you take a moment to just sit still and listen, you can hear their excitement for the long awaited spring and summer that we all anticipate.  I have a favorite part of every season, but spring is the one season that always inspires me and even excites me just as much as it does the plants and animals around me.  The days become longer, the temperatures are on the uphill slide, the sun feels so much warmer and the best part.....everything turns green and becomes alive again. We shed our winter coats and hopefully our frowns turn into smiles.  While winter is my least favorite season of them all, spring makes up for it in every way.  I'm excited to play in the dirt and feel the warm sunshine on my face.  I'm excited for the thunderstorms that wash away the winter grime, making way for the fresh growth of the Ear...

 So when I was told about your death, I was in denial.  I spent the better part of the day trying to find out if what I was told was a big fat lie!  It wasn't - deep down deep I already knew that!  I walked up on your porch - didn't have to even see your family and I broke down.  You know me, sensitive as always! Anyways, Val, you and I met through a Sunday School classroom that neither of us really felt like we belonged.  But we made the most of it and we put together some really neat programs for our kiddos.  You were the first person I confided in about my divorce and my scare with breast cancer and my decision to undergo a crazy surgery.  You were always in my corner!  You also took me kayaking for the 1st time, so you had my heart then for sure! You shaped two young men who would offer to shovel out my driveway.  You sent your husband to help me with frozen pipes.  And Emmy, who has your heart!!  We haven't seen each other...

Tonight, I noticed a scar on my ankle that has been with me most of my life.  A scar that is so much a part of me that I actually forget about it.  I was probably 5 or 6, Miranda's age, and was being a kid and cut my ankle on a broken glass bottle. It also started my brain a thinking...I have another scar on my knee that I'd rather forget about. It's a scar from an accident that could have ended much worse and thankfully did not.  I have a scar on my eyebrow that reminds me of a domestic violence situation that I very much want to forget, but also could have ended up much worse. I now have a few new scars that I struggle to accept, but they are also a part of my story.  It also doesn't even begin to cover the internal scars, the emotional scars that are a little harder to heal and escape from. Tonight, I was thinking about how much these scars have impacted me. Over time, they become just another part of me.  But it's a part of me that taught me many lessons!...

Well, this year continues to get better and better and the hard lessons just keep on coming!  It is so odd, that while this has been a year of really learning to love myself - I also found it's been one of the hardest years of my life! I've learned that my heart is sensitive, my head is stubborn and my body is so strong and amazing.  I've learned that I have the most amazing group of friends who feel like family, and I've learned that sometimes, family may not always be our friends.  I've learned that it's ok to ask for help, it's ok to cry, it's ok to not always be ok.  For the first time in my entire life, I really had to ask for and accept help from my group of people who have been so wonderful to me.  I have finally found my soul tribe!  These are the people who drop everything at a moments notice and leave their lives and their families to help me go through some tough surgeries.  These are the people who brought me meals and checked on me daily t...

We all are in need of a little self care and lots of self loving! Anxiety, depression and every little thing we cannot control can be a very heavy burden. A burden that weighs us down.  A burden we sometimes do not know how to overcome.  Today, I was so overwhelmed with life! I had a rare opportunity to listen to music, dance a little, take a hot bath, and write.  Life is a crazy mess and in the midst of the hustle and bustle we sometimes loose the opportunity to ground ourselves and love ourselves, imperfections and all!  I started my day feeling like a brick was sitting on my chest.  I am in the process of learning how to take those moments for what they are, just moments!  After those moments pass, I feel like I am a very lucky person.  I have so many things and people to be thankful for. Have I faced loss, have I faced hardships, have I faced more struggles than I care to talk about - yes, yes and yes!  But I have realized that all of those ha...

There is just something about the sound of rain after a nice, warm spring day.  There are very few things that can compare, except for the smell of the air and the sound of the birds rejoicing in said rain!  Oh and the belly laughter of kids who are enjoying life in ways we adults have long forgot about.  The rain comes and washes away the dirt and sorrows of the Earth and brings new life, a renewal to the dry, dusty days before.  It is refreshing and brings hope that better days are ahead.   History has proven that there are years where we experience an abundance of rain and years where we experience a lack of.  All of which give us hardships in their own way, as well as a test to our faith and patience.  It's a cycle of the Earth.  It's a give and take relationship that Mother Nature and God do to restore balance.    I have always been most comfortable in nature and I tend to be a highly emotional person more times than I...

The last few months have been a long hard road for me for many reasons.  Today, for the first time in a very, very long time, I am starting to feel like me again. I am once again reminded of the many blessings I have in my life, the amazing people that have gone above and beyond to make sure I was doing okay, taking care of me in ways I would have never thought I'd need or ask for help in.  I can never ever thank those people enough because they will never know how deeply thankful I really am. This lady has always known she was strong, but I learned once again, and even more than ever, that I wouldn't be where I am without the people who support me.  I can not even put into words my gratitude, but know that every single one of you were a reminder that being humble and kind may not bring you the riches of the world, but to me it makes me the richest person I know - in love, kindness, hope and friendship. The funny thing is, I was asked if I had the choice to live on a dese...

It's been a hot minute since I've had enough focus to sit down and write. My emotions have been all over the place, with the last few weeks bringing them all to the surface.  There is so much going on in the World and there is so much going on in my life.  I can generally take what life hands me fairly well, but this year has been one crazy ride.  It feels like forever ago that I was sitting on the beach in Florida working on self-love and healing, processing the journey I was now on.  I was focused on myself and I was finding true happiness.  I was clear on my path and what direction I was headed. But as is life, the plans I had and the path I thought I was on came to a screeching halt.  I had made the decision to undergo a preventative  mastectomy and reconstruction and I had the surgery all lined up for April.  I had done a lot of praying and a lot of meditation to come to that decision and I was mentally prepared and ready to go.  Th...

With all of the turmoil, bad news and unknowns that surround us every day in our world, with all of the stress over money and the increased cost of every basic essential in our lives, with all of the shortages and struggles to even find the things we need and the things we took for granted as being easily accessible, with all of the worries that we face every single day, the thought of self reflection, healing and self love all seem like laughable concepts during these uncertain times, but I feel they are just as important as ever.  Even if you have to force yourself to stop and check in with yourself, it is important to do so each and every day! What are you blessed with?  Every day provides a new opportunity to take a look at your life and really see the blessings that are around you.  For me, I am blessed with a secure job that allows me to provide a home for my children and thankfully that job was not impacted by this pandemic.  I am thankful for the love I ...

Sometimes I have really big emotions that I cannot even begin to explain.  Today was one of those days! I've always felt like I was a very empathetic person and when I let my guard down I have a rush of emotions that overwhelm even me.  I am at a very peaceful place in my life and I can imagine that is why I am able to take on these emotions today.  I hear the struggles and heart aches of the people around me and while I am not particularly sad I am crying big crocodile tears just feeling the stress of those closest to me.  I tried to disconnect a little to process it but it just kept coming at me today.  Through the music, through the tears, through the warm sunshine - I felt a tug a my heart for everyone who is really sad today.  Shortest blog post to-date, because I want to get to the point and let others know that I feel your heartache, your stress, your desire to throw your hands up and say I can not take anymore today, but just know you are all very...

There are a thousand and one reasons why I hate this virus right now, but the number one reason came from a conversation with my Grandfather!  He is 91 years old.  He has lived so many years, most of them healthy, strong and vibrant.  I'd often brag about how he was still cutting his own firewood and generally the most healthy person I have ever known.  Over the the last few years he has struggled with the beginning stages of dementia and is confused more and more each day.  Tonight I received a call from him so very worried about whether his affairs were taken care of and whether he was prepared... My heart broke in a million pieces and I told him how much I love him and told him he had nothing to worry about!  I am not the most open with my feelings and often times have a hard time expressing what I really mean to the people I care about the most, but telling him how much I loved him absolutely scared me.  I promised I would be out to see him so...

In these uncertain times, I feel like an absolute failure as a mother.  I am anxious, they are anxious, and I am clueless how to handle any of it!  These are unprecedented times for all of us.  We are used to routines and as normal as I try to keep things, they reflect my every emotion times a million.  They are receptive and know that this is not a normal routine, they feel my anxiety and their stress is a reflection of my own.  I feel like a hamster in a wheel, I'm trying to explain and talk them through it but they are closing down, much like I tend to do, and we are running circles around everything.   Today we had a huge battle over drinking water - my son, who normally eats me out of house and home is refusing to eat and hardly drinking anything.  He wants to do his homework, but gets super frustrated with every aspect of it so we set it aside today.  He is super angry with me for everything I try to do and I am angry right back be...

I haven't really blogged lately.  I have had some major decisions to make and I'm not really sure where to even begin.  I blogged about being your own health advocate and taking control of your health, but the reality of it is - I feel like I'm backed into a freaking corner.  I'm researching and working through it and I am pretty confident in the journey I am taking but it wasn't easy by any means. To recap, I went in to have a lump checked out that made me extremely nervous.  That lump ended up being ok, but additional screening showed lumps that were not ok!  Great, just my luck!  Uncomfortable MRI screenings, several biopsies later, multiple appointments to get to the blunt fact that my options were a lifetime of monitoring, scary pills and a high risk of developing cancer vs. cutting the damn things off and starting over.  All while getting divorced, navigating my life as a single parent and figuring my shit out!  It's enough to make a pe...

A little over a month back, I blogged about a health scare and being your own best health advocate.  Fortunately I was able to update everyone that the initial biopsies came back cancer free.  That is still true today, however, after going forward with an additional biopsy at the recommendation of my doctor, I did get a final diagnosis of Atypical Ductal Hyperplasia (ADH), which is considered a pre-cancerous stage of abnormality.  I was very much overwhelmed with that diagnosis and kind of buried my head in the sand this past month.  My Dr. recommended that the lumps be excised (basically a lumpectomy) with the goal of making sure there was no cancer hidden within the lumps that the biopsies somehow missed.  I went ahead and scheduled the surgery but also kept my follow up appointment to give me a month to process the information and allow me an opportunity to discuss any follow up questions I had.  That appointment was yesterday and here is where I am at ...

I never grew up with a Church based background, it just wasn't something that my family did because it wasn't something they did as kids either.  Over the past few years I have really developed a strong relationship with God - I may not attend Church every Sunday but I certainly pray daily! I pray when I am thankful, which I have a lot to be thankful for!  I pray for others who are struggling emotionally, physically and even spiritually!  I took a month last year to pray for a person who I have never been on friendly terms with, but I said a prayer for them each and every day that month and while circumstances with that situation have not changed, my outlook and response certainly has.  I also pray when I am feeling stuck, insecure, sad and lonely! Last week was a long week of feeling all of those things, especially stuck and lonely, and I prayed.  Sometimes the words to my prayers do not always come easily but as I stumble through trying to find the ri...

I started to write about this a few days ago and wasn't sure what direction I wanted to take it, but I think I figured it out today.  My kids have been so attached to me since day one, and we have been in such close quarters for the entirety of their lives that they are literally up my a*! every moment they are with me.  For the longest time, I felt I owed it to them since I was a working Mom and only had so many hours to spend with them to begin with and they are only little for a such a short time.  I know they miss me and I also miss them, but at the same time - we need to figure out how to have our own space and our own time without "needing" the company of each other.   I've been very irritated looking into their bedrooms and seeing all of the toys they have and they don't spend an ounce of time playing with any of them.  But that is on me too !  It's so easy to turn on the t.v. and give in to their demands to get a minute to unwind from my ...